Sir Loin
“Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I’m performing my dance quintet … you know, my cycle (…), and I’d love it if you came and gave me notes.”
GWIFFANDURRRHHHHHhhh
“HUCKLEBERRY FINN”? More like “SUCKleberry SHIT!” What was Mr. Twain thinking? He wasn’t! Huckleberry Finn, a nasty character, takes a freed slave down a river in a raft. They see some things, almost tip over, blah-de-blah… the end. And it’s all written in pitiful child-speak. Was Mr. Twain’s keyboard broken? Sad. What was I thinking when I checked this out? I returned it late and had to PAY A FINE! I ripped up my library card and the receipt for payment. Yeesh—that was an adventure I never want to relive! Mr. Twain, I want my five hours and my twenty-five cents back!
— Bob Odenkirk, “One-Star Amazon Reviews to Make Yourself Feel Better” (via fuckyeahbobodenkirk)